Friday, July 28, 2017

July Favorites

       So, I know this blog has been mainly a whole "internet diary" and all; but it was originally supposed to be a girly blog type.

       Well, there is nothing personal in my life to share with you all and I have less than a week left to get this up, so, here is a little something: my favorites this month:

FAVORITE YOUTUBERS

-Maddie Noelle
-Tasty
-Thomas Sanders
-Liza Koshy
-Tom Harlock
-Trap Nation
-Bella Lombardi
-The Financial Diet
-Jubilee
-bill wurtz

FAVORITE SONGS

- Thomas Sanders - Things We Used To Share
- Halsey - Lie
- blackbear - Runnin Low
- SoLonely - iusedtolikeyou
- Tink - Don't Tell Nobody
- The Early November - Tell Me Why
- The Early November - In Currents
- Matty Mullins - My Dear
- For The Win - All Or Nothing
- Machine Gun Kelly - Merry Go Round
- Machine Gun Kelly - Invincible

FAVORITE WEBSITES

- Wattpad
- Pinterest
- Polyvore
- Twitter
- Youtube

FAVORITE SHOWS

-Chopped
-Ridiculousness
-Guy's Grocery Games
-Scream: The TV Show
-Sense8
-Killer In The Family
-The Standups
-Criminal Minds
-Wild N' Out
-Catfish: The TV Show

FAVORITE BOOKS

- Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson
- The Hero Of France by Alan Hurst
- The Ghosts Of Manhattan by Douglas Brunt


So, I know this was a really short and pretentious little blog but, as I said in the last post, I'd post twice this month and here ya go. 'Til the next blog!

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Better Late Than Never

      So I started typing this post thinking god, I haven't posted in 4 months because of homework, extracurricular stuff, and home life. But all of us are done with regents now so I can at least post something for June!

      And then I looked at my phone and it said July (whoops). So there's That, another L of Life.But, c'est la vie.

      I know I act like this blog is so important to you guys like you're waiting for some notification on your phone from me saying I've posted on here, but some of you guys really like these posts--and I thank you.

     I don't have too much "self growth" or any newfound philosophy as of the moment. But I've been rereading this book called Life's Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown Jr. And by "rereading" I mean I will get to the last line of it and then immediately flip back to the first line because, personally, you can never get tired of reading it.

      But to keep with tradition, here's scoop of my personal life that no one probably cares about because there's practically no life lesson about it!!!!!:

-Brought boyfriend of 7 months to meet my family on our 7 month anniversary
-Family verdict "you're too pretty for him and he's quiet but when he talks he's funny and speaks Spanish but you're also teenagers so he's okay"
-I believe that means 7.5/10
-Do I have more makeup? Yes. Do I wear makeup as much as I used to? Significant no
-Still complaining about how I'm never asked to go out? Moderate
-Have I made actual attempts? I have made two, and one worked out

      Alright enough of that, but I might make at least two more posts this summer to make up for the lack recently (keyword might). I think next time I'll make a "favorites" post because I literally have nothing interesting about myself or to write about. But, until then, this has been another mediocre post by your favorite local, teen blogger who's dead inside!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Apologies

      So..............it's been a bit, yeah? I want to say 6 or so months sine my last rant? Yeah.......sorry? At least I'm back for Valentine's day. I've been gone for half a year and I feel as though I've never known the person who was writing back in August.

      Everyone knows that things change from middle school to high school. The Mormon in your social studies class is suddenly an alcoholic. That guy who used to be obsessed with his studies is now failing. Well, I thought hey i'm pretty average i'm not insanely popular or pretty or smart or talented. this'll be just like middle school. things will sorta change I guess sophomore year.

BUT GUESS WHAT THE FUCK DID NOT HAPPEN?

      I'm not going to go over everything because that's what novels are for; and I'm not some storybook character where I'm absolutely perfect and I don't do horrible things and I undermine an astonishing character change and I'm a person anew.

In life, you don't know your "story arc", per se. Your exposition could be the same boring place you've always been in or someplace new; and you'd never now. You don't know what your rising action perils are and you don't know what is your climax. To you, it's just an overwhelming situation of anxiety; and for some of us, that happens like every other week.

      But uh, schoolwork, rumors, the reality of things, the backstabbing, the desperately hanging on to what minimal friends you do have, basic high school stuff that's supposed to happen. Yay! Suffering! The fact that this only gets worse fucking HORRIFIES me!

      Basically high school is just kind of reinforcing everything I've ever learned in life, just in more profoundly "what the literal fuck" situations. But that's enough about these last 6 months, I want to talk about today: Valentine's Day.

      I normally don't give a fuck about this holiday whether or not I am single or in a relationship, but this year felt...different. I don't know. It kind of gave a warm feeling of happiness and "fuck valentine's day i'm getting my own damn chocolates" and just the love of between friends got stronger.

      I personally spent my Valentine's Day with people who truly matter. My friends, my boyfriend, and my siblings. Yes, I know you're probably thinking really? you're boyfriend comes before your siblings? honey he's gonna break your heart any day now. Honestly, he probably is. But he tried to make personal chocolates for me and worked on a romantic iMovie video, so that was touching. I also spent about 40 minutes with him so that was pretty litty. Also, just getting away from that, I went and saw SPLIT with my brother. Absolutely great movie, you should go watch it.

      Sorry but my creative juices are running out so dats it lol bye.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

School Is In A Few Days And I'm Screaming

      So guess who still hasn't made it past page 45 in either of her summer reading books, needs to start and finish all ten responses (aka mini essays), and literally has no school supplies while schools is literally in two weeks? You guessed it; this ol' gal!

      In case you haven't read the title yet, I'm internally screaming. Like, in my mind; it's nonstop, continuous, uninterrupted screeching.

      Everyone is telling me "You're not even going to remember high school!" "High school is the best four years of your life! You'll hold it dear to your heart forever!" "High school is going to literally be the worst four years of your life. You're going to hate it and everyone around you and contemplate murder AND homicide at the same time and you're probably even going to attempt t one of those; or even both."

      So, yknow, anxiety levels are at an all time high and still dead and screaming inside and even sobbing a little bit. Why can't I just hear a "You're going to have good moments, bad moments. amazing moments, horrific moments; like pretty much any other year of your life. They're going to be pretty average. Don't worry if you didn't party enough or had enough friends or fit in well or if you got bullied; because there's so much other shit to worry about that you'll be focusing on when you graduate, you won't really care if high school was amazing or horrific because it. does. not. matter. whether. or. not. high. school. was. good. to. you. or. not. all. that. matters. is. what. you. take. from. what. you. learned. and. how. you. apply. it. to. real. life. after. high. school."


      But that's yet to happen. So, yknow, whatever. I'll just tell myself that after numerous mental breakdowns and crying over a super size chicken selects meal with a diet coke in the passenger's seat of the family's BADASS MINIVAN (yes, she does have a title. yes, she's a she. yes, it's necessary that the title be in italics, bolded, and underlined. sometimes we even call her Sylvia as a joke. yes, it's very weird. weirdness is genetic in my family, and Sylvia is a part of it.)

      But my mom is already talking to me about college. Like, we've had conversations about it and she instantly shot down my dreams in the past, but now she's acting as if I'm going to be applying this year. Like, no. I'm about to turn 14, I'm going to be a freshman in 14 days, got a few more years to add stuff to my resume, give me time to think, and actually have my high school years; thank you very much.

      By the way, I went to the mall on Sunday for back-to-school shopping; I left with some earrings (some were missing so they were on clearance), a sticker, some pins, a crop top my mother would never let me out of my house in, candles, and a full stomach. Literally, none of my "back to school" shopping was actually going to help me out with school.

      Like, I need new notebooks, new folders, more post-its; all that fun stuff--yet here I am with no money because I pretty much ate it all. How was it supposed to help me in any way, shape, or form? I have no clue, because its digested and gone now. Like, I literally went into the mall with I think around $50, and literally left with 67 cents. I wish I was being over exaggerating or joking, but i'm not. Once I got home, I checked my account and it literally said YOU HAVE $0.67 CENTS IN YOUR ACCOUNT. The words stared back into my soul because it was on McDonald's, candy, Starbucks, soda, all that schnazzy food stuff.

      By the way, if anybody wants to buy a 1-inch or 2-inch binder from me, hit me up; because at graduation, Mrs. Breinard and Mrs. Davey were going to throw out every binder and get rid of them because no one took their binders back, so me and my cousin literally raided every single binder, cleaned them out, and took the ones we wanted. Like I actually left with an entire box filled with 1-inch binders because that's how many I wanted.

      If I can save money, I will do so. "Free" is my favorite word. "Buy one, get one free" you bet my ass is right there. If there is a good sale or something is up for grabs; you can bet on all your dead family, I'm right there taking it all.

      Like, I'm no longer allowed to shop at Target because it's fantastic stuff and really cheap prices and my card is in the negatives after checkout. I basically need rehab for my shopping addiction I literally do not have any self-control.

      And don't get me started on Primark. I was so pumped for the store to come to America because it was a British store and all my favorite British youtubers shopped there and got the cutest stuff and have you seen the damn prices. Everything was less than $15 (except for the shoes, but they were for like $25 which is hella cheap nowadays) and I was basically sobbing from all the good sales. Also, their candles, holy fuck. I literally only had $4 when I went in there and I bought three candles.

      Their candles are freaking amazing. They're basically Yankee Candle just a little bit smaller and way cheaper. Their candles literally smell better than anything at LUSH. I wish I was joking. It's very hard to top LUSH, but god dammit, it's amazing. I got a vanilla candle for 60 cents, a blueberry candle for 90 cents (which I didn't think was possible but it is), and a "fluffy marshmallow" candle for 90 cents as well. The marshmallow and blueberry candle look like mason jars, and it's cute, but the sound of the metal against the glass when you screw the cap on sounds like nails on a chalkboard; but that could just be me.

      But like how am I every going to focus on school if I'm thinking about shopping? Like, I've never been into the whole "always being at the mall" vibe most of my friends have; but holy shit, I now understand. Like, if I was born rich, I would literally be broke. That's how bad my shopping addiction has become.

      Sorry if my blog posts are getting cringeworthy, but it's what's on my mind and I promised myself I would post monthly so this is the best I got. Sorry folks *throws horrific finger guns* but that's all for tonight

Friday, July 22, 2016

Short Note Because I Only Have 8 More Days To Make This Post

      So, as of right now, it is July 22nd, and apparently (as I've learned from BuzzFeed), the "Summer Midpoint" is August 1st. We're going back to school in 5 weeks. I'm internally dying inside. I've spent the last 4 or 5 weeks literally sleeping in and watching YouTube/Netflix. And I'm okay with doing that for an extra two weeks. Technically, incoming freshmen go in on August 31st because of Freshman Orientation bleh bleh bleh.

      I hate everything, and I still have 5 weeks left. And, I have the summer reading essays that are extra credit that my mom is insisting is mandatory. For someone who loves literature and writing and reading, you'd think I'd be less annoyed about summer reading or reading books in English class--but get this: I'm fine with everything "school" related, as long as it's not for a grade. Because that sucks the fun out of everything.

      Schools sucks ass. It sucks the fun out of learning and things I actually genuinely and wholeheartedly enjoy and there's just this aura of fake people and hate and stupidity and public school is shit, man.

      Apparently a good distraction from that is a job but no one wants to hire 14 year olds anywhere near me, it's all 16+ and the only places that do hire 14 year olds are all the way in Patterson and I'm not walking that far for money. I live practically on the border of Carmel and Stormville and Holmes; and I also have the athletic stamina of the average 4 year old; so I'll just be broke for two more years.

Friday, June 3, 2016

The Oxford Comma Is Livin Like Larry

Hey guys! Sorry I couldn't make a blog post last month, my computer has been just doing weird crap recently. I'm really sorry about that guys. I'll see if I can make two blog posts this month, even though we all know that that's not going to happen; I'm still going to try.

I know that this is a really weird question, but what is the internet's latest obsession with the oxford comma? You'd think that is was a pop star or some new band but it's literally just a regular literary item used for lists. Like there's fanpages for it. Did something happen that involved the oxford comma that I missed and now I'm just looking at the aftermath like what is happening honestly.

So my school honestly feels like it's Valentine's day overload, and it's freaking June. There's all these couples around me, going on dates, hanging out, loving each other, being best friends; and I'm pretty much just sitting by my phone for 3 weeks silently begging for my boyfriend to text me back.

Livin like Larry, amiright folks?

Also, another thing, how can you be nice to your boyfriend's ex when they were dating and call them a whore behind their back, but then when you start dating your boyfriend, you openly just start calling them a whale and a hoe and make fun of them/harass them online for a bunch of shit; and then play the fucking victim?

Like no, that shit's not okay. It has never been okay and it will never be okay. Like how freaking lonely, insecure, and depressed do you have to be do stoop down so fucking low and only find happiness in talking shit about others?

Unless you're GFMSROASTS2016, then you're just an annoying little twat who thinks that you're better about everybody and that your roasts are A1 fire when in reality, they're watery as shit.

People I strongly dislike are now going to be referred to as GFMSROASTS2016. It's a mouthful, but it's worth it.

Oh! Or when you talk shit about one of your friend's friend and they say something to such friend, and suddenly they're fake? Like excuse me, you were talking shit behind someone's back and then was nice to their face, but you're not fake; but someone saying "hey our friend was saying some crap about you earlier" makes them fake AF.

Got it. So to fake people, everyone being real is fake and everyone who supports you being fake and joins in with your silicone personality is real. That's not weird at all.

But I'm one to talk. I literally run a blog were I tell the whole world my shit and my friends' shit and then don't delete posts when the problem is over with. At least everything I say behind people's back, I usually say it to their face first. And quite frankly, I usually talk good about people behind their back, though I do get pissy like every other 8th grader that literally ever existed.

Monday, April 11, 2016

It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Used ~Intense Language~

Hey guys! I know it's not the first or some special date, but it feels weird not updating my blog. So, first off, how's everyone been doing? Hope the past month had been swell.

My past month has been...let's just say I've had better, I've been better, I've felt better, and all around been better.

I know I've gotten into this kind of stuff previously, but here I go again about losing friends.

So I have this friend, let's call her Belle, has kind of been a bitch lately. I noticed her depression was starting to slip back, and I texted her to remind her that I was always there and to make sure she was alright; because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do when someone you genuinely care about is feeling down in the dumps.

Well, Belle replied "Oh no! I'm fine. I've just been meh lately, but if something's wrong, I'll tell you. You're always there for me. You're such a great friend, especially for asking." Pretty standard but meaningful text, right? You would think that we'd be closer and communicating better (even though we never communicated unhealthily...you catch my drift).

Then Belle started to push me away. So, like anybody else, I started to think oh god what did I do oh no what if I did something that made her really upset and she just doesn't want to talk about it with me because she thinks she's "going to start a conflict" what if I go to her because that might be what she needs

So I text Belle "are you mad at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???" And I shit you not, all I get is
"I'm just figuring out the kind of people I want to be around in this town and I'm figuring out who my real friends are"

Well that sure as fuck doesn't sound like the person that had text me just a couple of days ago saying how much a great friend I was for being there for her.

And I feel as though she might've just used me because I was there. And let me tell you, that's a motherfucking shit feeling, my friends. To know that you were always there for a certain someone, that you were the best person and friend you could possibly be, that you stressed the absolute fuck out of a nice gift for that person; only to realize that they can't be bothered to give to fucks about you.

Anyone will say this, but when your absolute best isn't enough, it just gets you. The moment you realize that someone who's been in your life for years sees you as expendable, how the fuck are you supposed to just go "okay" and roll over like it's nothing? Sorry motherfucker, I'm not you.

And I can't fucking understand that absolute bullshit. Someone is there for you, 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a fucking year; and you can just say "oh that's not a person I want in my life" without no fucking explanation.

Everyone is 150% allowed to drop people who are unhealthy for them or just have no use to them, but I think a shoulder to cry on is a pretty important use of someone and I don't recall any behavior of mine that I think would've been damaging to our friendship (besides exploiting their scandals anonymously on this blog).

Granted, I'm a teenager. It's supposed to feel like your world is falling apart. Being a teenager is when you grow up, and this is just the start of it. But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

It's all fun and games until someone gets used and then thrown away.