Hey guys! I know it's not the first or some special date, but it feels weird not updating my blog. So, first off, how's everyone been doing? Hope the past month had been swell.
My past month has been...let's just say I've had better, I've been better, I've felt better, and all around been better.
I know I've gotten into this kind of stuff previously, but here I go again about losing friends.
So I have this friend, let's call her Belle, has kind of been a bitch lately. I noticed her depression was starting to slip back, and I texted her to remind her that I was always there and to make sure she was alright; because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do when someone you genuinely care about is feeling down in the dumps.
Well, Belle replied "Oh no! I'm fine. I've just been meh lately, but if something's wrong, I'll tell you. You're always there for me. You're such a great friend, especially for asking." Pretty standard but meaningful text, right? You would think that we'd be closer and communicating better (even though we never communicated unhealthily...you catch my drift).
Then Belle started to push me away. So, like anybody else, I started to think oh god what did I do oh no what if I did something that made her really upset and she just doesn't want to talk about it with me because she thinks she's "going to start a conflict" what if I go to her because that might be what she needs
So I text Belle "are you mad at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???" And I shit you not, all I get is
"I'm just figuring out the kind of people I want to be around in this town and I'm figuring out who my real friends are"
Well that sure as fuck doesn't sound like the person that had text me just a couple of days ago saying how much a great friend I was for being there for her.
And I feel as though she might've just used me because I was there. And let me tell you, that's a motherfucking shit feeling, my friends. To know that you were always there for a certain someone, that you were the best person and friend you could possibly be, that you stressed the absolute fuck out of a nice gift for that person; only to realize that they can't be bothered to give to fucks about you.
Anyone will say this, but when your absolute best isn't enough, it just gets you. The moment you realize that someone who's been in your life for years sees you as expendable, how the fuck are you supposed to just go "okay" and roll over like it's nothing? Sorry motherfucker, I'm not you.
And I can't fucking understand that absolute bullshit. Someone is there for you, 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a fucking year; and you can just say "oh that's not a person I want in my life" without no fucking explanation.
Everyone is 150% allowed to drop people who are unhealthy for them or just have no use to them, but I think a shoulder to cry on is a pretty important use of someone and I don't recall any behavior of mine that I think would've been damaging to our friendship (besides exploiting their scandals anonymously on this blog).
Granted, I'm a teenager. It's supposed to feel like your world is falling apart. Being a teenager is when you grow up, and this is just the start of it. But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
It's all fun and games until someone gets used and then thrown away.